In the Middle of December
by GryffindorGoddess28
Summary: I think it had happened the very second I laid eyes on him.... It took me around three years to figure out exactly what was wrong with me... but when I did, boy was it a shock. written preHBP
1. Chapter 1

**SUMMARY: **"I think it had happened the very second I laid eyes on him... But, for once, my brain didn't immediately process the information into a logical explanation. At least, not for a few years. It took me around three years to figure out exactly what was wrong with me... but when I did, boy was it a shock." written pre-HBP

**DISCLAIMER: **I own nothing except the plot

**Prologue:**

I never meant to fall for him. Honestly. It kind of just... happened.

Really, I think it had happened the very second I laid eyes on him... But, for once, my brain didn't immediately process the information into a logical explanation...at least, not for a few years. It took me around three years to figure out exactly what was wrong with me... but when I did, boy was it a shock.

So I had been sitting behind him in class and instead of writing notes, I had been daydreaming. DAYDREAMING!

That should have been the first sign that something wasn't quite right with me. I mean, this _is_ me we're talking about. For me not to pay attention was like... Professor McGonagall openly pranking the Slytherins or Dumbledore shaving his beard off.

It was possible, but most definitely not remotely probable... The sort of thing that would only happen in another dimension.

But, it's true. I did not listen to a single word Binns said that day... And the worst thing? Not only was I daydreaming instead of learning, but I was daydreaming about _him_. About one of my best friends, who I never would have thought could be anything more. That's right. I had been daydreaming about none other than Ronald Weasley.

When I first realized what I had been doing, I can honestly tell you my mind and body both short-circuited. Suddenly, I was sitting on the floor with no recollection on how I got there and a very sore behind. I was grateful this was History of Magic- not only did Binns himself not notice my little fall, but neither did anyone else. Everyone was either sleeping or too busy to notice.

As quietly as I could, I slid back into my seat. Lifting my eyes a bit from the amazingly interesting desk surface, I could see Ron had turned my way. Oh, goody. His eyes flashed with amusement and he smiled at me, lightly teasing yet good-natured. Suddenly, I could feel my face heating up.

Wait a second.

Was I blushing? No...no way.. I was.. it was... of course! It was because of the absolutely suffocating atmosphere in the room- I mean, come on, how could anyone possibly stay cool and comfortable in such a blisteringly hot room?

That's when it hit me. It wasn't me! It HAD to have been because I was so deathly warm and uncomfortable in that room. The heat was frying up my brain! It was the only explanation to why I hadn't been paying attention to anything but what was directly in front of me... which had just _happened_ to be Ron's head. My mind was just playing tricks on me... that had to be the reason! Relieved, I silently cursed the stifling heat of the room for confusing me so and smiled back at Ron. He turned back around and I saw him lean over his desk a bit...almost as if he were ...writing notes!

THAT is when the little alarm in my head went crazy, when I realized RONALD WEASLEY was listening to Binns and I wasn't. It was like some weird, alternate reality where everything was backwards. I knew something was very, very, very wrong if HE was able to pay attention and I wasn't. Maybe something had happened to my head when I fell, I reasoned. I mean, come on, Ron didn't pay attention to Binns under even the best of conditions, why would he when the room felt so claustrophobically tight and stuffy?

It didn't really matter WHY he was, but really it was the mere fact that he was being a more responsible student and I just couldn't deal with that. So, I pushed myself into gear and attempted to take notes. It was no use. The moment I willed myself to pay attention, my eyes wandered and I began to daydream a bit again. It was just random little scenes in my head, but suddenly I realized something that was very important...

It was December.

Meaning... the room was not warm at all. In fact, not one person was without some kind of jacket, including myself.

That was very, very bad. It was then I knew something was very, very wrong with me, I just didn't know what it was. My eyes scanned the room, then stopped when the reached Ron. My heart skipped a beat. Uh Oh. Not a good sign. I began to stare again, drifting away into some kind of stupor, with my head rested on my hand. I watched as he took notes and ran his fingers through his hair. My own suddenly itched to do the same.

This was not something one best friend felt for the other... and neither were the butterflies I had suddenly noticed in my stomach.

Now, my mind being the logical thing it is, began to wonder why the boy I had known for three years was suddenly making my stomach all a-flutter. The answer was not one I had been expecting.

I finally figured out what was wrong with me, why everything was so messed up inside my head all of a sudden. It took a few moments, but my brain finally finished what it had been chewing on for the past three years and spit out an answer:

I fancied him.

And that was when I knew I had officially lost my mind.


	2. Three Years Later

**SUMMARY: **"I think it had happened the very second I laid eyes on him... But, for once, my brain didn't immediately process the information into a logical explanation. At least, not for a few years. It took me around three years to figure out exactly what was wrong with me... but when I did, boy was it a shock." written pre-HBP

**DISCLAIMER: **I own nothing except the plot

**Chapter 1: Three Years Later**

Now, it's three years later. December yet again. And instead of getting over my little schoolgirl crush, it has just grown. It grew and grew and grew. I can barely get a bloody _plant_ to grow even a _bit_, but this, this ... **thing** that started taking over my brain won't stop!

It's grown so much in the past few years that by now, it really is more of an obsession than a crush. I can't get him out of my head. For a while, I could escape through my studies... but I can't even find refuge in my schoolwork anymore! The only time I have peace of mind is when I'm sleeping...oh wait, never mind, because I bloody _dream_ about him, too!

Why does he torment me so?

...Because I'm much too chicken to tell him how I feel, that's why.

It's almost slipped, a few times actually, over the years. I'd have a sudden urge to tell him...I'd call out to him... then about four seconds later lose my nerve and ask if he's done his homework or something. If only I wasn't such a coward!

Why was I in Gryffindor, anyways? Can't even tell someone I bloody fancy them... What kind of bravery is that?

But, it's not only my fault. I mean, its not like he ever figured it out... but, I admit, I've gotten better at hiding it. The only person who's ever confronted me about it has been Ginny, but that's only because sometimes she's much to smart for her own good, and far too nosy and she said something about me being an "open book", but what's _that_ supposed to mean, anyway?.

I don't think anyone else has figured it out for sure... most people think such silly things, like I'm dating Viktor or I'm involved with Harry or something or other. Honestly! Viktor and I exchange the _occasional_ letters, but there's nothing there between us. And Harry is just...Harry... I could never feel like ... _that_... about him. Besides, Ginny would just about kill me if I did but _shhh_...don't tell her I said that..

Ok, so maybe it is my fault. It's not like he can read my mind or anything it'd be very, very, very bad if he could, I would die from embarrassment! . But... it'd be just_ so _much easier if he realized without me having to say anything!

Well.. maybe not. I mean, obviously, he doesn't feel the same way! Imagine! Oh, I'd be so embarrassed! I'd never be able to face him again! No.. no, it's much better for him not to know- better keep his friendship than take _that _particular risk... I'm right, aren't I?

Of course I'm right! See? Now he's even making me doubt myself! The nerve! I mean, one moment we're just friends and then suddenly he's all... I don't know... different or something and.. and... and UGH! I just can't bloody stand him sometimes! He just SITS there all calm and normal, not nervous or awkward or self-conscious or all those other stupid side effects that come with whatever thehell is going on with me. I mean, I know he's not the most self-assured person in the world- I'm not _that _obsessed that I am not still observant and logical about most things- but I bet _his_ heartbeat doesn't speed up for random reasons. I just know _he_ doesn't suddenly get giant hippogriffs stomping around in_ his _stomach! I bet HE is completely in control of all of his emotions!

Stupid emotions. Why can't they just GO AWAY!

It's not fair. At the very LEAST I should be able to control my own EMOTIONS, shouldn't I? Isn't that what they always tell you? That we're in control of ourselves? Bloody rubbish. If I was in charge, I certainly wouldn't _choose _to feel like this!

That's it. I refuse to fancy him any longer. I am going to stop it THIS VERY SECOND! I will no longer feel weak in the knees when he walks by, or when he smiles, or when he compliments me. I will stop thinking about him, except in the way a friend should and I will no longer be heartbroken when he insults me or calls me names. I will no longer get jealous when I see girls _throw_ themselves at him though he _really_ does deserve better, all of those girls are all so stupid and slutty and none of them deserve him in the slightest. Just because they wear tight clothes and makeup he thinks they are so grand and- well, no need to start _another _rant... and I will most_ certainly _not feel ANYthing towards him that is ANYthing more than platonic.

There, now that THAT's settled, maybe I can finally get some work done! Lately, I've practically been falling _behind_ my classes. I really can't believe I let it get this bad! I mean, honestly, how could I have not even _started_ on study schedules this semester? I just really need to get back on track.

Okay, first things first, I need to finish that essay in Transfiguration that she assigned yesterday. What was it on? Oh, yes, transfiguring inanimate objects into animals- how do you do it, who first discovered it, where/when was it first done, what are the dangers, why can it be useful. I can easily fill up four feet of parchment with all that! And look, we only need a foot and a half!

Oh, I just feel so much better. I can't imagine how I just let my emotions go rampage for so long. I mean, really, I should have regained control of them much earlier- I mean, I'm past all of that silly, young-teen crush crap, thank Merlin!

Right?

Of _course _I am! Really, _me_, one of those girls who let her emotions control her? I don't think so. I don't get hung up on crushes and frivolous things of the sort. There is no way that I would let something like_ that _control my life- no, I must have been sick or something for the... three years that the "obsession" took over. I mean, its not like before I hadn't noticed how kind he was, or how sweet he could be and funny and adorable and how very loyal he was, even his denseness was quite cute, but still, I didn't really think of him _that_ way until-

I think I went a total of three seconds before I started thinking about him again.

I must be going out of my mind. He is driving me crazy! All he has to do is _walk past _and suddenly I turn into a total lunatic. I drop things, I knock things over, I fall down or I trip- I lose control of myself completely. Its like my brain takes a vacation and detaches itself from the rest of me.

All of these emotions are messing with my head. I don't see WHY I can't just make it stop!

Life is so unfair sometimes. Why am_ I _the one who freaks out whenever he's around? _He _doesn't knock down shelves of books in the library. They work like dominoes, did you know that? You fall into one and it hits the one behind it, which hits the next one and so on until they are all knocked down... or until the librarian waves her wand and stop them in mid-air.. _He's_ not the one who turns around and slams into an open door- that has happened to me repetitively... as in more than once.

That's not even the _worst_ of it. This year especially I have been getting clumsier and clumsier each time I see him. He smiles? Forget it- anything not bolted down goes flying. I take a step back and start a chain reaction- suddenly I'm sitting on the floor with my desk turned upside down and my stuff sprawled all over the room.

Seriously, how could he NOT know? Is he really that blind? Or maybe... maybe he _does _know... and, he doesn't want to embarrass me by bringing it up..because he doesn't feel the same way... Oh no, that would be _so _much worse than him not knowing. SO much worse...

I am _such_ an idiot. I'm sitting here, obsessing over him. Doing _nothing_ productive, at all. Why? Why am I thinking about him? Why should I even bother? It's not like he'll ever notice me, not like that. Its not like it matters...

Oh, that's just _great_. Not only am I losing my sanity but I'm wallowing in _self-pity _as I do it. I can't _believe_ it. There is _no way _I'm going to sit here all full of pity and sadness. No way. I refuse to do anything of the sort.

... Yeah. Just like I refused to continue to fancy him. And we all know how well _that _decision turned out.

Well, I may not be able to stop myself from fancying him, but I can _certainly _stop myself from acting like one of those people whose happiness depends on someone else- no, I won't sit here depressed simply because he doesn't care for me like that. Ok. Step one: stand up out of the chair and put all of my books away, put my jacket and gloves on. I can't study in this library any longer- I need to go outside. I need_ air_. Ok. I'm standing. Now what?

Um... Oh, look, there's Ginny! ... Uh oh... she has _that_ look on her face. That only means one thing: _must escape_. Quick glances to either side of me show me there's no where to go. She's moving in... getting closer... aaaaand I'm sitting back down. There's no escaping Ginerva Weasley when she has the "I have something you need to know and then we'll plot about what to do with this information" face on. It was never a good face. Ginny's plans almost ALWAYS had something to do with A) setting someone up with some poor soul that confided in her, B) pranking someone who seriously pissed her off, or C) a very large, elaborate plan that will, in theory, do both and go off with out a hitch- which it never does.

With once glance, I knew which kind of plan it is. At the moment, I'm almost wishing for the good old days when Ginny's plans were full of pranks and duels. Maybe her crush on Harry is messing with her vibes- some of the couples she's been pairing up? Eh, not exactly meant to be...

Look for the silver lining. Well, Ron isn't here to witness what will most certainly be a blush-winning event. Oh. Wait. There he is, right on cue. Why aren't there any good hiding spots in the library? Not that it would matter... the Weasley siblings were only a few feet away, so I couldn't get to a hiding spot even if I wanted to.

Okay. I'm sitting, so that means I can't send anything flying, right? All my stuff is away, the table is cleared. And... and he's talking to me. Must focus. What is he saying? ... oh okay...

"You alright, Hermione?" What do I do? Oh...yeah... nod. That's it. Nod my head. Force words out:

"Yeah, I'm fine. You two need anything?" Ginny cuts Ron off just as he opens his mouth- hey, I wanted to hear what he had to say!

"Hermione, c'mon and walk with me. I have to tell you something!" Ginny sounds determined. Should I go with her? Look at Ron... oh, he looks disappointed. I wonder what's wrong with him... did something happen? He looks... almost anxious. Ok. Go with Ginny. Stand slowly... push chair in... look at Ron... get foot stuck in table leg and go flying.

Brilliant. Just bloody brilliant. Ginny helps me up, Ron's laughing. Lovely. How am I such an idiot? I was never this clumsy before!

Grr... Wave. Wave. Bye Ron. Must go with Ginny to listen to her blather on. Of course, I don't say this out loud... Ginny would kill me. He gives me that lopsided grin... why does he do that? And why does it make me melt?

That's it. Nothing he does will make me weak. Nothing he does will make me act like an love-crazed idiot.

My life should not orbit around Ron. It will not orbit around Ron. I refuse to let it revolve around him. That's it. No more.

Ginny is talking. It's kind of faint. I wonder if she'll start speaking any louder, it is a bit hard to hear her at the moment. Wait- where'd she go. Oh! There she is! She stopped walking. Hm.. I wonder why. Oh. Now I'll have to walk back and see what the trouble is...

OH! I see. Ginny's blushing... maybe it has something to do with the uncontrollable "haha, I know what you're staring at and why you stopped and I know what you're thinking" smile that has spread across my face. It's not my fault! I scream silently I can't wipe the stupid smile off my face! Well.. it's not like Ginny can stop smiling either.

Hehe. Anyone wondering _why_ Ginny stopped walking? That's right, you guessed it! _Harry_ is practicing quidditch on the quidditch pitch with Ron and some other boys from their dorms. Apparently, they are trying to help Ron improve his keeper skills. Not that he needs the help. In my opinion, he's a bloody_ fantastic _quidditch player, if he'd just gain some confidence and grow up a bit. Really, he just can't be so hard on himself, he's such an amazing person and-

And there I go again. what was I going to say again? Oh yes, something witty and sarcastic:

"Why don't you go and join them? You_ know _you want to..." Ok, well, that didn't turn out_ quite _as witty or sarcastic as I had planned but... close enough. Got her to blush didn't it? Oh, wait, there she goes. Practically _running_ past me, straight for the lake. Guess she didn't want to play quidditch after all.

Oh, loverly. Now, I get to chase after her, since she undoubtedly will be hiding somewhere where she won't be quite so distracted by Harry and will be walking around the lake looking for the "perfect spot". Really, I should just stay here and wait for her to find me.

Yeah... right... anyways, off to find Ginerva.


End file.
